The Superior Parent

My fellow parent has many excellent qualities. Yet it has always been clear to me that I am the superior. Evidence? Please. It is evident. I mean, just look at me. I'm GREAT. 

Heading south. I think we were over Egypt.

So imagine my dismay when I returned on Wednesday from a week-long work trip to Nairobi and the homestead was in perfect order and our child SEEMED both happy and throughly kempt. The kid barely noticed I was gone. At first I was perplexed, but looking back over the evidence of the week, I have an explanation. Gross corruption. 

My daughter has been bribed. 

Exhibit 1: Vegetables (lack thereof). One evening I Skyped in to my wee, dear family to find that my one year-old was merrily dining on take-out from the local cheap Chinese place. The child clutched a gyoza and was smeared in pork fat, soy sauce and jollity. A transparent effort to buy her chubby little heart. 

Exhibit 2: Bedtime. Last night at dinner, Alex's sister asked when the Noodle usually goes to bed. "At eight," I answered promptly. "Between seven and eight...well, nine," said Alex, just as promptly. He said, "I mean, it would be seven fifteen every night if I had my way. Ha! Hahaha! HA!" We looked at each other. I raised an eyebrow.  

Corrupted.

Exhibit 3: Television. Also last night, while dining at Alex's sister's home, our daughter kept picking up the remote control for the TV and pointing it at the screen and pushing random buttons in what can only be described as a well-practiced motion. When the TV finally came on she was utterly transfixed. "Wow, look how fascinated she is," I said. "We almost never watch TV when she is around at home." I looked at Alex. He looked away. 

Exhibit 4: Cookies. Again last night at dinner, Noodle was given a piece of cookie for dessert. Then she wanted another one, which I was inclined to let her have. "She never eats this stuff, so it's fine," I said. At the same moment, Alex said, "No more! Noodle, I think you have had more than enough cookies lately." 

Daddy and daughter.

"Wait, when was that?" I asked. 

"Psh," he said, holding up his thumb to start counting. "Just this afternoon she had one, two...plenty," he said. 

I looked at him, and had a sudden vision of the dozens of cookies that had disappeared down that delicate toddler gullet over the last seven days. My husband shrugged.  

I rest my case. 

But also, I would like to reiterate my thanks to my darling husband for making it possible for me to go gallivanting halfway across the world to do my job, indeed to enjoy my job, without worrying for a minute whether my baby is being taken care of. 

Of course she is. She has the loveliest Daddy in the world, and we both love him very, very much. 

Three big loves. 

We Heart Bedtime

When it comes to ease of parenting, the first fifteen months of Miss Noodle's life have had their ups and downs. We are definitely, definitely on an up right now. 

Noodle reacted to her first month of daycare with what can only be described as dismay. At the kindergarten itself she was fine: she wanted her teachers to carry her around all the time, but was otherwise friendly and personable. But once she got home...DAMN. Tears. Lots and löööts of saying "no". She reverted to her face-smacking ways. Threw things on the floor. Would not go to bed. 

She had also learned a slew of new techniques for driving us slowly bananas. If for example it was bath time or time to leave the apartment or time to put her coat on or whatever, she had learned how to go as limp as a sack of dead cats, leaving us to try and and manipulate her dangling, whining body into or out of her clothes without accidentally dislocating her shoulder or whatever. 

Also, she learned how to pick her nose. (Except she doesn't even do it right. Nothing comes out. She just inserts her pointy little finger further and further up her wee nostril until her left eye is tearing, and then she leaves it there a while.) 

But anyway. This tumultuous period is behind us now, and it is the dawn of a new era of total compliance. Well, 50/50, anyway.  In the mornings she is ultra keen to go to kindergarten, where she has made a few equally tiny friends that bobble around with her. She has stopped saying "no" as often, and now mostly says "yes," even when she has no idea what we're saying to her. Actually, she doesn't say yes. She nods. But we'll take it. It is so brilliant to be able to ask whether she needs a new diaper, whether she is hungry or thirsty, whether she would like to play with her blocks, and actually get an answer. 

And here is the best part: 

She TELLS us when she's ready to go to bed. When she is really on her game she'll even point toward her bedroom and start saying "bye bye".  Other evenings she is cranky and unamused, but if asked whether it is bedtime she will nod. And then she starts chirping "bye bye" while her PJs are put on and her teeth brushed. 

The video below doesn't actually capture bed time, but you can see the nodding. 

I LOVE THIS NOODLE! And also: walking around, climbing on furniture, saying "no," going to kindergarten, and putting herself to bed? I hereby declare this baby a toddler.