This morning
I was awoken at some terrible hour by the garrulous chirping of my three (!)
year old daughter, who rises with and like the sun: early. By contrast, I had
been out with a few friends until quite late. Which is why I was now the
deserving recipient of this gentle torture.
All I heard
at first was a barrage of incoherent cartoon sounds, several octaves higher
than the adult ear can possibly comprehend at dawn. It’s like having your ears
injected with rainbow bubbles.
“Blibble
blibble blip blip bleep! Blibble blip blip!”
“Hrmph,” I
said. “Wha?”
“I said good
morning mommy. Get up. Get up. Get up,” Noodle said in her sweet little helium
voice. And then she scowled. “GET UP RIGHT NOW!”
“Blumph,” I
said. “Don’ talk me li’ that. Goway.”
“I have a
pretty dress,” she said. I peeled my eyeballs open and tried to focus, which was
hard since the child was only six inches from my face. She did have a pretty
dress. It was smeared with two varieties of food. Chocolate ice cream was one,
I guessed. And…pumpkin? Not pumpkin. She hates pumpkin.
“Your dress
is filthy,” I said. “Why are you still wearing this dress? Didn’t Daddy give
you pajamas?”
“Hmmm? No,
I didn’t want pajamas.” She looked down. “Oh yes my dress is so pretty and
really GROSS because because because yesterday I…”
She made a
sudden look of great concern. I realized she was wearing a bunch of shitty
plastic jewellery. Noodle said: “This dress is reaaaaallly disgusting but it’s
very pretty but it’s a BIT disgusting because yesterday because I yesterday in
the park I had a because because Daddy bought me an ice cream and now I’m
REALLY DIRTY!”
As I
processed this, I realized something was scrabbling around with my toes, which
were hanging off the edge of the bed. A Chewbacca-like roar, followed by the
appearance of a tiny pony-tail. The baby had arrived. She stood up started to
pick her way around the edge of the bed, emitting the odd grunt.
“Good
morning, sweet pea,” I said.
“Aaaaargh,”
said my lovely 10-month old.
“You’re
pretty smart for having made it here all by yourself,” I said.
“Aaaargh,”
she replied.
“Noodle, I
heard that the Schnullerfee (pacifier fairy) came yesterday and took all your
pacifiers and left you a present,” I said to the big one, who was wearing a
dreadful silver plastic necklace with the face of that blonde chick from Frozen
and also some kind of shiny, ultra-crappy beaded bracelet.
“Oh yes the
Schnullerfee arrived* when I was at the park and then there was no more
schnullers because I am a really big girl now. I don’t NEED a schnuller any
more! And I came home and then and then at the stairs there was a PINK present
and I carried it up by myself and I held it REALLY straight and I didn’t spill
anything and then inside was all of this beautiful STUFF like neckeleckelaces
and braceklets and treasures and now I’m so pretty and I cried because I want a
schnuller. I want my schnuller!”
She looked
downcast. For a moment.
“But I’m a
really big girl now and I can’t cry and I have all this beautiful stuff and the
Schnullerfee came and when Nugget is big she can’t have a schnuller either but
now she is small because she’s still zero years old right Nugget right?”
Nugget, now
standing between us, popped her pacifier in her mouth. She looked at the Noodle. Took the pacifier out of her mouth; put it back in. I swear that baby understands more than she lets on.
“I have a
lot of beautiful stuff and you don’t but that’s okay don’t cry Nugget,” said
Noodle. “I don’t need a Schnuller. I have a neckeckeleckelace. You need a
schnuller because you’re a baby.”
Nugget
sucked away. Sucka sucka sucka, the
sound went.
Noodle
grabbed the hem of her truly foul dress and gave a big twirl.
“I’m so
pretty,” Noodle said. “Don’t be sad, Nugget, right now you’re just a baby and I’m
big and my dress is soooo pretty and I don’t need a schnuller.”
Sucka sucka sucka.
Twirl twirl
twirl.
Sucka sucka.
And then I got up and announced it was time to get ready for nursery, because if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that it is best to nip a brawl in the bud.
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| Sisters, sisters |
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| Never were there such devoted sisters |
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| Those who've seen us |
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| know that not a thing could come between us. |
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| Right? |
* Okay so we've been threatening promising the arrival of the Pacifier Fairy for months now, who, legend tells, comes and takes your pacifiers and leaves a present. To avoid having bunny teeth. Yesterday was apparently the day because while Alex (God bless him) was at the park with our babies they LOST Noodle's last best pacifier and so he thought quickly and decided that the Pacifier Fairy had arrived. He conveniently had a pretty pink box of hand-me-down costume fairy jewellry in the car that his coworker had gifted us (God bless her) because her kids are too old for it, and he managed to smuggle the box into our building and leave it where Noodle could find it. Et voila. Well done that man.
