Happy Halloween! More and more Austrian children and drunken young adults celebrate Halloween each year, but alas our baby is a little too young. I secretly would like nothing more than to dress her up like she's going to an Anne Geddes photo shoot but sadly I couldn't think of a single justification.
Anyway, because Halloween is supposed to be at least a little scary, I thought this would be a good time to bring up the eating of babies. As in, you know, eating babies.
This is a terrible thought, right? Occasionally you read a story in the newspaper about people who killed and ate a baby and it is the absolute worst crime that there is, the most heart-wrenching: the murder and cannibalism of a defenceless little muffin.
A cutesy poopsie muffin that you just want to EAT.
You see? What is wrong with us? We compare babies to food all the time - pumpkins, cookies, sugar, honey, sweet peas, nuggets, peanuts.
We're so sick in the head, half the time it's the first thing we talk about when we meet a new baby. As we pretend to gnaw on one of their tiny feet or slurp on a mini-finger, we'll coo and say one of the following:
"Ooh, I just want to eat that arm!"
"I want to nibble on her fat little toes!"
"Look at those squishy little cheeks - yum yum."
"I am going to eat you right up! Yes I am! Yes I am! Num num num num num."
Where did this come from? Does every culture do this, or do we just need some kind of collective therapy?
Anyway, this week it became clear to me how deeply ingrained is this habit of equating cute with delicious as I was talking to our niece, who is our buddy and just the sweetest little eight-year-old in the world. We were sitting with the baby between us, and the niece says to me (in German):
"Ach, she is just so cute I want to EAT HER. You too?"
"Sometimes," I say. I smile at the baby and pretend to chew on her foot. "Because you're so sweet and delicious, right? Hum num num."
The baby giggles.
"Hahaha," laughs our niece. Then she says, "We can split her. Fifty fifty. The left half for you, the right half for me."
I look up.
She goes on, "And we'll have her head for breakfast, the middle for lunch, and the feet for dinner. Right? We should save the feet for last. Because they look the most delicious."
I am horrified.
"Dude. What are you talking about?" I say to her. "That's sick."
The niece looks at the baby. "Oh," she says, leaning her sweet head on a fist. "Yeah, true. That is sick."
And you know, it kind of is. Happy Halloween!
 |
| Babies dressed as food. (Actually I think this is freaking adorable. Costume here.) |
Anyway, because Halloween is supposed to be at least a little scary, I thought this would be a good time to bring up the eating of babies. As in, you know, eating babies.
This is a terrible thought, right? Occasionally you read a story in the newspaper about people who killed and ate a baby and it is the absolute worst crime that there is, the most heart-wrenching: the murder and cannibalism of a defenceless little muffin.
A cutesy poopsie muffin that you just want to EAT.
You see? What is wrong with us? We compare babies to food all the time - pumpkins, cookies, sugar, honey, sweet peas, nuggets, peanuts.
We're so sick in the head, half the time it's the first thing we talk about when we meet a new baby. As we pretend to gnaw on one of their tiny feet or slurp on a mini-finger, we'll coo and say one of the following:
"Ooh, I just want to eat that arm!"
 |
| Also dressed as a vegetable. Well, technically a fruit. You see what I'm saying. This costume for sale here. |
"I want to nibble on her fat little toes!"
"Look at those squishy little cheeks - yum yum."
"I am going to eat you right up! Yes I am! Yes I am! Num num num num num."
Where did this come from? Does every culture do this, or do we just need some kind of collective therapy?
Anyway, this week it became clear to me how deeply ingrained is this habit of equating cute with delicious as I was talking to our niece, who is our buddy and just the sweetest little eight-year-old in the world. We were sitting with the baby between us, and the niece says to me (in German):
"Ach, she is just so cute I want to EAT HER. You too?"
"Sometimes," I say. I smile at the baby and pretend to chew on her foot. "Because you're so sweet and delicious, right? Hum num num."
 |
| Um. So cute, so wrong! |
The baby giggles.
"Hahaha," laughs our niece. Then she says, "We can split her. Fifty fifty. The left half for you, the right half for me."
I look up.
 |
This peanut costume also kind of looks like
something else that starts with a p that you
would not dress your child as. Cute kid though.
The site its from has a bunch of food costumes for
babies. Yum!
|
I am horrified.
"Dude. What are you talking about?" I say to her. "That's sick."
The niece looks at the baby. "Oh," she says, leaning her sweet head on a fist. "Yeah, true. That is sick."
And you know, it kind of is. Happy Halloween!
P.S./Update: You know who probably really eats babies? Fox News. Please see this article about Halloween. It leads with "Finding a Halloween costume that doesn't terrify politically-correct college busybodies could be a challenge this year..." and goes on to quote campus organizations that raised concerns about blackface or dressing in sombreros or as geishas and so on. I actually agree with Fox that half the fun of Halloween is being a little offensive, which is why next year I think I'm going as Fox News.
This video is so cute!!!! i miss you.
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