Yesterday the whole fam trooped off to see Bibi Blocksberg: Hexen Hexen Überall ("Bibi Blocksberg: Witches, Witches Everywhere"), and since my children cannot read, Ima tell you how it really went.
It was a picture book Saturday in February, air crisp, sun shining. The Nugget was fever-free (hallelujah!). We were thrumming with excitement for our kids' first ever musical theatre experience, at a location no less storied than the Wiener Stadthalle, where huge common-denominator acts like Elton John, Kiss and David Hasselhof (it's a thing here, don't ask) are slated to perform this year.
For those outside the German-speaking realm, Bibi Blocksberg is a beloved character originally created in 1980 for a series of audio dramas. Bibi is a little girl witch with a heart of gold who lives with her witch mom and not-a-witch dad, who gets up to the usual child-friendly adventures. Her last name, "Blocksberg," is the old name for a mountain in Germany (now called Brocken) that is mythologically associated with witchcraft--it shows up in Goethe's Faust, for example.
People my age grew up listening to the cassette tapes at bedtime and in the car. The tapes later became a TV cartoon series of the same name, followed by a spinoff show, "Bibi und Tina." There are picture books, magazines, full-length feature films and tons of merch. (As Alex said when I expressed surprise that the musical could pack out the Stadthalle: "Bibi is like Mickey Mouse. Everyone knows her.")
Given the fame-level of this franchise, the location of the show, and the fact that we paid around 40 euros per ticket for second-tier seats, we were expecting A Show. We weren't expecting Cats or anything (the tickets were too cheap for that), but a rollicking good time.
Thus we arrived bright-eyed and bushy tailed along with approximately 2000 other little children and their parents at the Stadthalle, gamely stood in long lines to check our coats, buy snacks and purchase overpriced Bibi schwag (the magic wands are kind of amazing, actually--they have more settings than adult-only magic wands, and even the handle blinks!).
We found our (comfy!) seats and waited an eternity with music pumping to get everyone excited. "Where IS SHE!" the Nugget whispered urgently, her face about to explode. "I CAN'T SEE HER!!" It was very rock concert. We were excited. Finally, FINALLY the house lights went down, the stage lights went up, smoke machines whirred, children waved their wands.
The whole place clapped along as other characters entered stage middle (the only stage entrance there would be, as it turns out) and sang and danced, and then finally, FINALLY, parted to reveal young Bibi (played by a grownup) who.... Totally blew her first note. It was inaudible, then shaky, though she rallied by the end of the first song.
Well. Excited as all the ticket-buying parents and super-Bibi-fan children were to make the most of their day out, Alex and I agreed we would sum it up as "pretty good for a high school musical."
It was two hours long, interrupted by a 20 minute intermission, during which Nugget fell asleep and other parents urgently fed their children candy.
The plot was nonexistent. During the first half, seven characters (total) find out that they are going to host an international witches conference and argue about whether it should be traditional, as the two old witches want, or involve a disco, as Bibi and her bff want. That's literally all that happens. They just argue, through like 10 songs.
In the second half, all the characters are now at the castle where the conference will take place, where they continue to argue about the conference agenda for a further 40 minutes. It was like being at work. At the last possible moment, the young witches win the day ("Young Witch Power!") and then the disco takes place, which is when the lights turn on to the audience, which is expected to BE the disco/witches conference, if you see what I mean. These last five minutes were the only good part: little girls flooded down to the stage in their hundreds and formed a mosh pit of wand-waving fans, while disco laser lights lit up the whole space and a single firework went off on stage. Whoot!
It was all just so CHEAP. Actually the performers did an admirable job (mostly in tune and with lots of enthusiasm), but they didn't have much to work with.
For example, one of the two old witches from Act One--these are central characters--was simply missing in Act Two, with no explanation of why. I mean, the actor appears as a different (new) character towards the end, so I guess that explains that. What, they couldn't afford one more actor? Or a script that makes sense?
The whole thing was comprised of 60 indistinguishable songs that each lasted 20 seconds, two of which were direct rip-offs (homages?) of the songs I Love Rock and Roll and something else that I've forgetten now, because no one cares. The lyrics of the songs were then repeated verbatim through the spoken word immediately afterwards, in order to move the "plot" forward. The choreography was like maybe six different dance moves that were reassembled for each number.
There was no use of magic on stage, because I guess special effects would have been expensive. At no point did anyone fly on a broomstick, not even once.
The costumes were apparently made by someone's mom and/or purchased directly from a halloween shop (why was the Mayor of Neustadt dressed like Count Dracula? We'll never know).
The wigs--oh my lord the wigs--would have made Ru Paul sit down and cry.
The set change between acts involved nothing further than covering the old set with pieces of paper/cloth that were painted to look like stones--I mean they couldn't even be bothered to, like, roll a table over to the other side or anything.
The lighting was vigorous except for the scene where the President of the International Witches Association makes her first grand entrance. For the first 30 seconds, she sang with her face in a shadow and only her torso lit like a birthday cake. Why?
At the very end, during the applause, when the cast generously gestured toward the light booth, then the sound, and then the set, I wondered if maybe all three of those things were just one guy named Helmut who'd been given a budget of 2000 bucks.
But my absolute favorite high school musical moment was when, during the final song of Act One, an arm holding an iPhone extended slowly out from behind the painted-paper set and took a picture of the audience (Helmut? Is that you?). Except that would never happen during a high school musical, because Mr. Marinucci would have killed us.
Throughout the entire performance I kept looking over at my children with a big stupid grin on my face, bopping my stupid head along to the music, in an effort to rouse enthusiasm. So much fun! At some point the Noodle actually rolled her eyes at me.
She did love it for the first fifteen minutes, but then hid her existential despair behind terse lips and a polite smile, because we're raising her right. The Nugget said it was "borwing". Alex told the kids it was "very fun" and then muttered that the Cirque du Soleil show we're seeing soon better be a hell of a lot better.
I said I was going to blog about this.
"No, that's so mean," said Alex. "They're just high schoolers."
It was a picture book Saturday in February, air crisp, sun shining. The Nugget was fever-free (hallelujah!). We were thrumming with excitement for our kids' first ever musical theatre experience, at a location no less storied than the Wiener Stadthalle, where huge common-denominator acts like Elton John, Kiss and David Hasselhof (it's a thing here, don't ask) are slated to perform this year.
For those outside the German-speaking realm, Bibi Blocksberg is a beloved character originally created in 1980 for a series of audio dramas. Bibi is a little girl witch with a heart of gold who lives with her witch mom and not-a-witch dad, who gets up to the usual child-friendly adventures. Her last name, "Blocksberg," is the old name for a mountain in Germany (now called Brocken) that is mythologically associated with witchcraft--it shows up in Goethe's Faust, for example.
People my age grew up listening to the cassette tapes at bedtime and in the car. The tapes later became a TV cartoon series of the same name, followed by a spinoff show, "Bibi und Tina." There are picture books, magazines, full-length feature films and tons of merch. (As Alex said when I expressed surprise that the musical could pack out the Stadthalle: "Bibi is like Mickey Mouse. Everyone knows her.")
Given the fame-level of this franchise, the location of the show, and the fact that we paid around 40 euros per ticket for second-tier seats, we were expecting A Show. We weren't expecting Cats or anything (the tickets were too cheap for that), but a rollicking good time.
Thus we arrived bright-eyed and bushy tailed along with approximately 2000 other little children and their parents at the Stadthalle, gamely stood in long lines to check our coats, buy snacks and purchase overpriced Bibi schwag (the magic wands are kind of amazing, actually--they have more settings than adult-only magic wands, and even the handle blinks!).
 |
| In front of the Stadthalle |
The whole place clapped along as other characters entered stage middle (the only stage entrance there would be, as it turns out) and sang and danced, and then finally, FINALLY, parted to reveal young Bibi (played by a grownup) who.... Totally blew her first note. It was inaudible, then shaky, though she rallied by the end of the first song.
Well. Excited as all the ticket-buying parents and super-Bibi-fan children were to make the most of their day out, Alex and I agreed we would sum it up as "pretty good for a high school musical."
 |
| Pre-show excitement in the front section! There were about 3x as many seats as you can see here. |
The plot was nonexistent. During the first half, seven characters (total) find out that they are going to host an international witches conference and argue about whether it should be traditional, as the two old witches want, or involve a disco, as Bibi and her bff want. That's literally all that happens. They just argue, through like 10 songs.
In the second half, all the characters are now at the castle where the conference will take place, where they continue to argue about the conference agenda for a further 40 minutes. It was like being at work. At the last possible moment, the young witches win the day ("Young Witch Power!") and then the disco takes place, which is when the lights turn on to the audience, which is expected to BE the disco/witches conference, if you see what I mean. These last five minutes were the only good part: little girls flooded down to the stage in their hundreds and formed a mosh pit of wand-waving fans, while disco laser lights lit up the whole space and a single firework went off on stage. Whoot!
 |
| Nugget at intermission |
For example, one of the two old witches from Act One--these are central characters--was simply missing in Act Two, with no explanation of why. I mean, the actor appears as a different (new) character towards the end, so I guess that explains that. What, they couldn't afford one more actor? Or a script that makes sense?
The whole thing was comprised of 60 indistinguishable songs that each lasted 20 seconds, two of which were direct rip-offs (homages?) of the songs I Love Rock and Roll and something else that I've forgetten now, because no one cares. The lyrics of the songs were then repeated verbatim through the spoken word immediately afterwards, in order to move the "plot" forward. The choreography was like maybe six different dance moves that were reassembled for each number.
There was no use of magic on stage, because I guess special effects would have been expensive. At no point did anyone fly on a broomstick, not even once.
The costumes were apparently made by someone's mom and/or purchased directly from a halloween shop (why was the Mayor of Neustadt dressed like Count Dracula? We'll never know).
The wigs--oh my lord the wigs--would have made Ru Paul sit down and cry.
The set change between acts involved nothing further than covering the old set with pieces of paper/cloth that were painted to look like stones--I mean they couldn't even be bothered to, like, roll a table over to the other side or anything.
The lighting was vigorous except for the scene where the President of the International Witches Association makes her first grand entrance. For the first 30 seconds, she sang with her face in a shadow and only her torso lit like a birthday cake. Why?
 |
| The magical wand was pretty sweet, though. |
At the very end, during the applause, when the cast generously gestured toward the light booth, then the sound, and then the set, I wondered if maybe all three of those things were just one guy named Helmut who'd been given a budget of 2000 bucks.
But my absolute favorite high school musical moment was when, during the final song of Act One, an arm holding an iPhone extended slowly out from behind the painted-paper set and took a picture of the audience (Helmut? Is that you?). Except that would never happen during a high school musical, because Mr. Marinucci would have killed us.
Throughout the entire performance I kept looking over at my children with a big stupid grin on my face, bopping my stupid head along to the music, in an effort to rouse enthusiasm. So much fun! At some point the Noodle actually rolled her eyes at me.
She did love it for the first fifteen minutes, but then hid her existential despair behind terse lips and a polite smile, because we're raising her right. The Nugget said it was "borwing". Alex told the kids it was "very fun" and then muttered that the Cirque du Soleil show we're seeing soon better be a hell of a lot better.
I said I was going to blog about this.
"No, that's so mean," said Alex. "They're just high schoolers."
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