Where There's Smoke

The unacquainted often mistakenly believe that bibs are for catching dribbles of milk and food. A reasonable assumption, but sadly incorrect. In fact, they are mostly for drool. Newborns drool a lot because they haven't gotten the whole swallowing thing worked out yet. 

The end of the drool is a sign that they're ready for solid food. (Also babies will stare at each forkful on its way into your mouth, smack their lips and generally act the way polite dogs should not). 

No teeth anywhere.

The resumption of the drool is a sign that baby teeth are on their way. We've brought back all our little cloth bibs with their pro-Grandma messaging ("Take me to Grandma's!", "Grandma's Little Blessing", "I love Grandma!") and are waiting anxiously for teeth to arrive.

Except, so, like, where the hell are they? 

The signs of impending teeth have been there for at least three months. For those not in the know, other signs include chewing on fingers, gnawing on corners and toys and cables, chewing on thin air, and desiring to be held and cuddled and chew on Mommy's necklaces and wedding ring. And let us not forget the grumpiness. 

This is what all babies do: They will try to stick a rattle the size of an egg into their preposterously small mouths, will sort of dislocate their jaws, and then hurl the rattle onto the ground with a scream of frustration. 

The teething baby, however, is not just frustrated, but utterly defeated. These little setbacks make her very sad. Her lower lip trembles. A tear gathers in one eye. She will look at me, arms raised, beseeching. When I pick her up, she'll bury her face in my shoulder and wipe her snotty nose on my shirt and rub her eyes and say, "Meeeeeh," and sigh dramatically all the while.

Obviously, this is adorable. But also, I feel terrible for her. She appears to be in pain some of the time, but also this suffering has not resulted in a single tooth. Not a one. 

Little eyes on the prize. ToothWatch

All our other baby friends have at least two little punctuation-sized protrusions in their lower gums, the better to scrape at steamed fruit with or gnaw on overcooked rice. But not our poor, gummy Noodle. Oh woe.  

We'll keep you posted.